I attended an all employee event at our hotel at the time and my friend and colleague brought her beautiful daughter as her guest. We ate, had wine, lots of laughs and a few twirls on the dance floor and it was a spectacular night and was sometime in March with a springtime theme. The next day, I went to see my friend whom I have have known now for over 22 years and asked her about her daughter. I had known something was wrong health wise but not sure of the details.
She told me her daughter was fine, she was feeling well and that her kidneys were functioning at 15%. I, not knowing much about what that really meant or what options were available, asked. She told me that she is on a list and they are waiting for a cadaver.
I'm no mathematician but I knew that 15% was low and in my mind, time was running out and not working in our favor.
I said I wanted to be tested and she told me no, we will be fine, she can go on dialysis if we don't find a match and it will all be ok. I told her she had two choices. Either she calls her right now or I find the number and hunt her down myself. Reluctantly she dialed. I worked with her daughter, she came with me to the hospital and did all the necessary tests, which were easy.
Shortly thereafter we found out that three out of six of our antigens were a perfect match. I have no idea what an antigen is but I was delighted to find that I have them and they are in good shape and match my friends. For those of you into science:
An antigen is any substance that causes your immune system to produce antibodies against it. An antigen may be a foreign substance from the environment such as chemicals, bacteria, viruses, or pollen. An antigen may also be formed within the body, as with bacterial toxins or tissue cells.
Besides our blood types being compatible, based on the above (11 years later I am discovering this) it seems as though the likelihood of rejection would be minimal. If this was a two part harmony, we could take this live with a little piano and acoustic guitar.
Deep inside my soul, I felt I could do something so special, so relevant for someone and really help her in a way no one else could and in a way I have never been able to helps someone before. This would be intense and before I had time to digest my own feelings, I had to think of my wife and two sons and the rest of the family. My elation was subject to mild turbulence.
The whirlwind to follow involved every imaginable test including all types of blood work, a three dimensional CT scan, (48) hour urine samples (yes, the cooler in my office was not very popular). I was able to see all of my insides on a computer which is pretty cool, fascinating really. It makes you re-think a cookie or extra butter because there in plain lcd illumination is layers of fatty tissue. Why does frosting look so much more appealing on a cupcake rather than the 'cushion' around your liver? I had work to do this spring and early summer to harvest my organ for my friend!
We met with many doctors. Although I am intentionally leaving out names, I will mention one - Dr. Ko. He was my doctor - the taker! He is a terrific person, very bright, down to earth, great sense of humor and can explain the most finite medical procedures and deliver them in ones own language. We had a 'family' meeting and I thought it would be more like a picnic. There was no barbecue, no potato salad, no green jello ambrosia and not a frisbee in sight. We were in an OR lit for surgery with transplant nurses, specialists, her doctor, her mom, her, me, my wife, a not so witty psychologist and we sat in a big circle. There were questions ricocheting around and I was relatively numb as the seriousness was setting in. My wife was trembling throughout the meeting and I knew that we needed to get into the layers before the big day. But I will never forget my friend at this meeting.
There she was. At the head of the circle. The one who was in need, sitting tall, composed, long brown hair knowing at center stage she had to make sure, in light of all of these specialists, that everyone kept in check. And her brave soul responded to the questions with ease and said to the group, 'I am going to be ok, I am not sick, We will all be fine.' I looked at her in awe and thought to myself, as well as I know her, she never passes up a chance to take my breath away. Even in her time of angst she sat there braver than anyone of us!
My wife and I went to see the transplant shrink after this meeting. As much as we spoke about it, something was wrong. I felt resentful because I could not be scared myself. I had to put the armor on and be strong for everyone else which is fine - I am comfortable there. But for a moment, I needed to have someone on which to lean. The doctor told us this story about a man, a racist white man who was a member of the KKK and outright nasty to anyone who was not like him. He said this guy was in n-stage renal failure and in desperate need of a kidney. Even with dialysis, nothing removes toxins and does the job of a kidney. He was jaundice, felt weak, face sallow, hunched over and always felt like his head was between a migraine and pure fog. Well, good news came. There was a cadaver and he was a perfect match. They wheeled his sorry white ass up to the OR and performed the transplant. The next day, the doctor came to see him and asked how he felt. Even though it is major surgery, the recipient of the new kidney starts to feel great right away. So he told the doctor about how for the first time in how long he cannot even remember, he could feel his skin, he had color in his face and could think clearly. He asked the doctor about the surgery and from whom the kidney came. The doctor said that usually he would not reveal any of this, but knowing him, he let him know it was from a black man.
It occurred to him that for his entire miserable life, he had hated an entire class of people based on the color of their skin. He did not know any black people personally, he has hated them outwardly and in private. He made it a part of his life to take action against blacks. And here he sits in a hospital bed feeling better than he has in years. As he held his head sobbing in repose, it resonated with vivid color that it is what's inside of us that is most important!
This is only chapter one of this entire journey. Today needed special attention for my dear, sweet, beautiful friend. I love you and your Mother with all my heart and thank God for you both for making me a better person! Hugs and Kisses, Tim
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