Sapphire

By chance, I picked up Time Out NY and found that Sapphire, the author of PUSH (the novel that inspired PRECIOUS, the movie) was going to be at the Union Square Barnes & Nobles at 7pm. I loved the book and saw the movie a few times. The book tells the story seen in the movie but what's very different in the book; the reader feels the underbelly in a way that is impossible to translate to the screen. Sapphire is a descriptive, from the gut storyteller and whether or not you want to feel, you feel.

This evening at Barnes & Nobles, she was joined by journalist Katherine Lanpher who prepared an outline of questions; some of which tickled the surface, some which evoked a bit of predictable sarcasm from the author and the deeper, soul reaching questions that prompted seat lifting enthusiasm by Sapphire resonating through the walls and our seats.

The Kid is her second novel and is aptly titled for Precious' son Abdul Jones who we see come into this world in the novel PUSH and movie PRECIOUS joining his sister, Mongo, her fist child from her own father who suffers from Down's Syndrome.  The conversation through the hour together takes us through the writing process. Sapphire made it clear this not 'Precious 2' or any type of sequel, rather a story of survival and how her son gets through Precious' death and growing up as a black child and into a man.

Sapphire tells her plight for this novel and references white males, gay white males with money, who are able to survive HIV and AIDS better because of the money and focus driven toward them. She questions whether or not Precious would have had a better chance or may still be alive if she were a white male. There are statistics, I am sure, that back this up and I am relatively certain Sapphire can reference them with little notice.

I was sitting there listening to her and thinking about my friend Shane. White, male, gay, Shane who has been dead for many years. Death has not yet learned to decipher social consciousness nor the struggle between impoverished and wealth, race, gender or sexual preference. When Death's big hand strikes it only tells time.

Sapphire was also joined by Imani Uzuri, a singer/songwriter who recently released her second album fully funded by her fans - that's how terrific she is! Her voice is one that reaches in, wraps around you, pulls back and dances to the heavens! She was with a guitarist who complemented her deep lows, melodic mid notes and her heavenly sopranos and she often made you forget you were on the fourth floor of an old building and brought you to that gentle space above the clouds floating on her joyful falsettos. A rare and wonderful treat.

Toward the end, an extremely talented, dark skinned male dancer from the Dance Theater of Harlem took the stage and with his muscular, willowy fluid movements, he wove the music and made it his own in beautiful motion. The best way to describe his dancing is if you could take poetry and watch it move - it is what he did.

I was third in line for my book signing and I thanked Sapphire for her moving first novel, PUSH and for sharing her poignant and raw honesty with all of us this evening. She thanked me for being with her, for buying her book and I said I am very much looking forward to reading it!

I slowly walked away, looked at the crowd in line awaiting Sapphire's touch and thinking that all of us are survivors in one way or another. Sapphire talked about how some people read her book and others, the ones who could not bear the book, saw the movie.

Precious is real. She is on the subway, in the grocery store, in bed with a man she hopes will take her dream and flick the on switch; she is a student, a teacher, a writer, a parent; the person we may pass on the street and judge and yet, the person who may pass us and judge; she is a song, a dance, a mystery and very much a warrior - an inner Precious in all of us!

Afterward, I went to Blue Water Grill and a lovely woman greeted me at the door. A medium skinned black lady, young, full of life, a smile that made the votives look dull, her hair pulled back in a headband poofed up in the back, a navy blue sun dress splashed with white flowers covered with a soft, white cotton and linen sweater takes a menu and asks me to follow her. She is the person who is at the door and says FUN - an invitation to a magical dinner, maybe just a drink or a coffee - but for whatever reason you are there, she has set the station to high energy! 

As we walked to the table, she saw the book in my hand and told me how lucky I was. To have a book, a table, a night to myself to read and enjoy. She declined, but I did offer the other chair at my table. I told her about my time with Sapphire, the dancer, the singer and she said that I was living her dream.

What she didn't know was how much she influenced my night simply by reminding me of the simple gift of gratitude. I was most grateful for her and the tremendous artists who paint the landscape of our imaginations every day.

I read the first chapter of The Kid and without pause - I highly recommend it! Be a warrior!

!http://www.unionsquarenyc.org/explore/events/2034-upstairs-the-square-sapphire-barnes-noble

The oldest profession

I took the morning and drank it in slowly. Watched the last few episodes of season 5 of Sex and The City, had a healthy breakfast, coffee, read emails and 4th of July posts on Facebook and took little naps in between.
Later in the afternoon I went to get my haircut on the East side and back to Columbus Circle for a good work out before I went to work. The elliptical and I spent some painful, quality time together clearly communicating to my ticker that we have a lot ahead of us - and that is why we are here. Did some leg work, hit the showers and out to the Circle.
I was innocently minding my own business, in average summer attire with dark sunglasses, black shorts, high tops and a plain grey t-shirt with my black gym bag in tow.
This lovely woman starts walking along side me. She has seen the ascent hillside of her 60's and headed to the middle ground, has worked hard on maintaining her beauty as she had few wrinkles, had princess pink lipstick, perfect teeth, dusty blond hair pulled straight and laced with pin curls, a long, lean, willowy figure and was wearing a pink quarter sleeve blouse, white slacks, pink pumps topped off with a warm, pleasant smile.
She asked me if I was visiting NY and I said no, that I lived here. She said she did too right on 57th and 9th and asked if I worked nearby and I said yes. She asked where and I told her right around the corner and I was headed there. She asked if I had a management position and I said I did. She asked if I ever wanted to come over, she reminded me of her location and that it was easy to get to and she had a 4th floor walk up. I said that was very kind of her to offer. She asked if I like to get ....
Well she asked me some specific sexual questions and by the look of horror on my face she promptly asked if I was married. It was not that I was opposed to the questioning but in shock that this kind of thing happens in broad daylight in this manner surrounded by visiting families..
She may want to rush in where angels fear to tread, but in this case I was shocked.
I let her know my own little dirty secret - as much as I appreciate the offer, I am gay.
So we parted ways and it has left me with a lot to think about.
I was a little sad because I thought of my grandmothers, mother, friend's mothers and grandmothers and wondered how do you get to this point? Do we blame Republicans? Social Security mis-management, melted 401k plans, employers expeditious departures from pensions, high-jacked welfare system or just plain old poor planning for our twilight years?
After that exhaustive pondering, it occurred to me that this gal still has it!
God bless her and her pink lips!

 

Erwin

I first met Erwin when I was a banquet server and he was the newly appointed food & beverage director at The Ritz-Carlton, Boston. I remember walking into his office on the third floor back in the corner and he was not there. Of course, I could not resist the temptation to walk in and sniff around to see what the new guy was all about.
What I quickly discovered was that he was by far the neatest, cleanest senior leader with whom I have ever encountered and I thought, this old girl (the hotel, not me - I was young and thin back then) is in for some scrubbing! But it was refreshing to have someone concerned about the cleanliness which is very reflective of the service our guests would come to expect.
As the departmental trainer with my dear friend Shane; Erwin was very supportive and drove training and he challenged us to train the other banquet servers on a la carte service. So we did and it was hard considering Tito, Tri Do and some of the others; who we all loved but steak Diane and filleting Dover Sole table-side wasn't everyone's expertise!
Erwin moved on to his next adventure and left the food & beverage operation a better place. Cleaner too!
A few years later Boston was bursting at the seams and needed a second Ritz-Carlton so our sexy, younger sister Boston Common was born under the careful watch and acute detail of Erwin.
At this juncture, I had moved on in my career and opened the hotel as Director of Training & Development and it was a pleasure working with Erwin again and in this new capacity. He has always been a big supporter of human resources and especially training; ensuring i's were dotted (twice, just in case) and t's crossed. Karen Kane was the opening director of HR and I remember this specific day as vividly as if it happened a half hour ago.
The somewhat sceptical Millennium Partners leadership team invited us to share our Ritz-Carlton training and we offered to come to their offices at the Residences. We offered to bring the coffee, muffins, donuts, etc. from Dunkin Donuts as only Karen Kane would have it. Karen and I agree to meet at the 'old girl' and trek over to Dunkin Donuts on the corner of Tremont and Boylston so we can walk over to the MP offices for the presentation. What we did not count on was the torrential downpour, 'summer showers' that left us soaking wet, drowned wash women. We are running in, dripping wet from the core of our beings, setting up and trying to be as composed as possible in light of our weathered state. And in comes Erwin. Pristine, bone dry, not a hair out of place, not a speck of dust on his mirrored glass polished shoes. I looked up wondering where the helicopter landed to drop him off in this condition.
9/11 gave us the bottom low to a very exciting high just days before when Erwin, the proud parent, joined the VIP's cutting the ribbon to warmly welcome The Ritz-Carlton, Boston Common to our fair city. After 14 years of my time in Boston, I moved on to New Orleans and I will not soon forget Erwin's heartwarming gratitude and farewell to me remembering most my genuine smile. It is easy for me to smile because I loved the company and the reason had nothing to do with the cobalt blue, the lion's head or the 400 thread count sheets; rather the people who took the philosophy, the CREDO off the page and brought it to life. It was Erwin who taught me not just the words of the CREDO early in my career, but what it meant by his actions every day, every time.
As the good fortune of fate would have, both Erwin and I returned to Boston; he to The Ritz-Carlton and me to The Boston Park Plaza. The Park had an identity crisis in terms of brand and positioning and the GM, EC rallied together to align, focus and come up with a compass to move us in the right direction. Erwin graciously offered a magnificent meeting space for us and, no surprise, world class, impeccable service as we came together for a two day EC planning meeting. Knowing Erwin was quoted in the Gold Standard book, I thought what better nuance to add to my presentation on brand but to have him present to the group. It is always a little risky going from one hotel company to another and not over-selling your past passion but I thought I don't know ANY other hotel company or person who drives brand with more vigor or passion than Ritz-Carlton and Erwin himself.
He agreed to meet with us and present to the team. He only had a segment of time of which he went over nearly double - hard to bottle up that passion and limit it to a specified time! After he left, the EC team of The Boston Park Plaza was ignited and our story began with not just a new chapter, rather, a new book! Stuart Meyerson, our GM, said to us, 'Whatever we decide on how our branding will unroll, we ALL need to deliver it with that level of sincerity and PASSION!'
Erwin will be missed and ever remembered with a smile (and a dust pan!) and something tells me our paths will path again with much joy.
Thank you for including me in this! All the best and much success to you Erwin and thank you for all you have done.

18

This Friday, June 10, 2011 my son Shane turns 18. Before he was born, I started writing him a book. It is in a beautiful leather bound note book with and angel on the cover, his guardian angel. On the inside cover I quoted 2Timothy 1 6 7 ...Stir into flame the gift of God which is within you... for the spirit that God gave us...One to inspire strength, love and self-discipline... is an inspirational, spiritual excerpt that touched my life a long time ago. I wrote it down on a piece of paper many years ago and have kept it with me. Very few have ever seen it from me.
Dear Shane,
Before you were born, I promised myself I would write a book to you. Not necessarily a book with distinct chapters nor any real format, but one to document feelings and experiences so I can share them with you. When I first thought of the idea, I decided to present this book to you on or around your 18th birthday. There is a lot I still don't understand, but your existence has made me incredibly wise.
Next Friday is your first birthday, so this leaves me seventeen years to finish this - I'll do my best. I frist started this in a notebook that has been falling apart. I think this book is better equipped to stand the test of time.
Anyway - you haven't even been born yet so I better get crackin'! I started the book in early November at a small cafe in Beacon Hill called Rebecca's located on Charles Street in the old meeting house. I actually was working for Rebecca (an amazingly talented chef!) when your mom and I found out you were coming. It was a catering job at an old library in Beacon Hill (The Boston Athenæum, a membership library, first opened its doors in 1807, and its rich history as a library and cultural institution has been well documented in the annals of Boston’s cultural life. Today we remain a vibrant and active institution that serves a wide variety of members and scholars) Your mom was working on her masters degree at Northeastern and was scheduled for a class. But her mother's instinct kicked in and she had a feeling she was pregnant. Ideally, she would have wanted both of us there when she took the test and make a big dinner, have some wine and make it a celebration! But she did it on her own and tracked me down at work. She called Rebecca's hysterically because she expected the test to be negative and it was positive. Positively wonderful!

Be good to yourself

I have just celebrated my 46th birthday and being just 4 short years away from my 50th, I realize that there are many things that I have delayed for one reason or another. I will not deny I am a bit of a procrastinator, I get a twisted thrill from the energy and adrenaline you get from putting it together under pressure. In addition to the aging process, I have also gained a bit of weight of which I am not proud. I have returned to a city where I spent most of my adult life for 3 years and did not see old friends or family because of my weight. I have lived in NYC now for nearly a year and felt like I did not deserve to shop or enjoy certain things because of it.
Well I, and I am certain I am not alone, have come to my senses and know that I am in full control of this self-defacing crippling approach to this great thing called life. My life.
Why do we feel like we don't deserve happiness? While in the moments or cycles of despair, we wish ourselves out of it and wonder through the eclipse of unhappiness why did this happen to me? And yet, when the emotional sun casts its brilliance on us, we feel unworthy of it. God knows we have suffered.
A dear friend called me a week before my birthday and asked what I wanted. I know she has limited means and her generosity usurps her bank balance. I told her to save her money, send a nice card and come to NY and lets spend some time together. I would rather hang out, walk the city, see the park, people watch, sip great wine, try a different place for dinner with her than have her spend money on either a gift card or things that I can buy myself. I enjoy the thought behind gifts and the things I possess all tell a story. A time, a place or a person that brings back all the feelings each time I look at it but in this case, when you at one time spent every day together and miles preclude you from that time, I put more value on the time creating the memory. So she did.
We had a great dinner on night one, great wine, a lot of laughs and watched movies until the wee hours. The next morning we flopped around, napping and watching tv, snacking and of course, talking and laughing and charting our course for our careers and lives. We have all solved the world in the confines of our homes with our friends knowing that if everyone saw things our way, the world would be a better place. And for that moment, it is. We finally got out after 4pm for some pampering, lunch at a French bistro and shopping. I had two nice pairs of sunglasses in my life for many years and one broke and the other I lost a year ago and decided it was time to treat myself. Each of us has something or a handful of things that make us feel good and I found the perfect replacement, a pair of Armani sunglasses. It is a silly thing in the scheme of world peace, literacy and hunger but it was an indulgence that to the naked eye was a pair of over priced sunglasses.
For me, it was being good to myself to say I deserve them.
After Katrina, a friend of mine who has now become a very dear friend, was at The Ritz-Carlton, South Beach at the same time I was. We had a very teary eyed, wrap your arms all the way around embrace that neither wanted to let air take over. We started to talk about our personal experiences and she held her breath and became very emotional because she missed her collection of pocket books. Like all of us, we have the things that make us feel good and our indulgences and hers was the pocket book. She felt very sad about losing everything but that really struck her. She told me how each one was a very special gift that was significant because it either represented a milestone, a sister, a lover, her Mom and she felt so guilty about feeling so badly about losing her pocket books. I told her I just saw another friend of ours and she had left everything behind except one suitcase - filled with photographs. What you miss is not the Prada, Gucci or Fendi, rather the moments in your life that the people who cared so much about you came to life in each of those gifts and not to feel guilty.
My point is - live now. Don't wait. If you like designer jeans and are a little curvier than you would like to be now, buy them now. If you want a good book but want to wait for the soft cover, get it now; one of the bookstores or Amazon always have a little discount. For me, I am walking around in my killer sunglasses with my fat jeans living life today. The way it should be.

Perseverance

What is perseverance?

• Perseverance is commitment, hard work, patience, endurance.

• Perseverance is being able to bear difficulties calmly and without complaint.

• Perseverance is trying again and again.

You show perseverance when you ...

• Give up your tv time to spend hours studying

• Try a new sport that is very difficult but you don't give up

• Have a learning disability but keep studying even when discouraged

• Come from a home where there is fighting and unhappiness but you still try your best

• Have missed a week of school but you work hard to catch up

• Are at the end of a difficult race but you cross the finish line

• Save money and make sacrifices to buy something

• Spend hours practicing on your music

• Study and work hard to raise your grade

• Try out for something you weren't successful at the first time

Feel energetic and optimistic! You can do anything you set your mind to! This positive outlook is and it's certainly easier to go through life happy. People choose whether or not they're going to be happy. Make the right choice and you're bound to be successful once you believe you can be.

I believe you have the power to elicit a response from another simply by taking the positive approach.

Leadership I have a few simple guidelines for myself - people are motivated by either fear or desire. With desire, they will want to be successful and will have your back.

Love them; they will love you back!