Be good to yourself

I have just celebrated my 46th birthday and being just 4 short years away from my 50th, I realize that there are many things that I have delayed for one reason or another. I will not deny I am a bit of a procrastinator, I get a twisted thrill from the energy and adrenaline you get from putting it together under pressure. In addition to the aging process, I have also gained a bit of weight of which I am not proud. I have returned to a city where I spent most of my adult life for 3 years and did not see old friends or family because of my weight. I have lived in NYC now for nearly a year and felt like I did not deserve to shop or enjoy certain things because of it.
Well I, and I am certain I am not alone, have come to my senses and know that I am in full control of this self-defacing crippling approach to this great thing called life. My life.
Why do we feel like we don't deserve happiness? While in the moments or cycles of despair, we wish ourselves out of it and wonder through the eclipse of unhappiness why did this happen to me? And yet, when the emotional sun casts its brilliance on us, we feel unworthy of it. God knows we have suffered.
A dear friend called me a week before my birthday and asked what I wanted. I know she has limited means and her generosity usurps her bank balance. I told her to save her money, send a nice card and come to NY and lets spend some time together. I would rather hang out, walk the city, see the park, people watch, sip great wine, try a different place for dinner with her than have her spend money on either a gift card or things that I can buy myself. I enjoy the thought behind gifts and the things I possess all tell a story. A time, a place or a person that brings back all the feelings each time I look at it but in this case, when you at one time spent every day together and miles preclude you from that time, I put more value on the time creating the memory. So she did.
We had a great dinner on night one, great wine, a lot of laughs and watched movies until the wee hours. The next morning we flopped around, napping and watching tv, snacking and of course, talking and laughing and charting our course for our careers and lives. We have all solved the world in the confines of our homes with our friends knowing that if everyone saw things our way, the world would be a better place. And for that moment, it is. We finally got out after 4pm for some pampering, lunch at a French bistro and shopping. I had two nice pairs of sunglasses in my life for many years and one broke and the other I lost a year ago and decided it was time to treat myself. Each of us has something or a handful of things that make us feel good and I found the perfect replacement, a pair of Armani sunglasses. It is a silly thing in the scheme of world peace, literacy and hunger but it was an indulgence that to the naked eye was a pair of over priced sunglasses.
For me, it was being good to myself to say I deserve them.
After Katrina, a friend of mine who has now become a very dear friend, was at The Ritz-Carlton, South Beach at the same time I was. We had a very teary eyed, wrap your arms all the way around embrace that neither wanted to let air take over. We started to talk about our personal experiences and she held her breath and became very emotional because she missed her collection of pocket books. Like all of us, we have the things that make us feel good and our indulgences and hers was the pocket book. She felt very sad about losing everything but that really struck her. She told me how each one was a very special gift that was significant because it either represented a milestone, a sister, a lover, her Mom and she felt so guilty about feeling so badly about losing her pocket books. I told her I just saw another friend of ours and she had left everything behind except one suitcase - filled with photographs. What you miss is not the Prada, Gucci or Fendi, rather the moments in your life that the people who cared so much about you came to life in each of those gifts and not to feel guilty.
My point is - live now. Don't wait. If you like designer jeans and are a little curvier than you would like to be now, buy them now. If you want a good book but want to wait for the soft cover, get it now; one of the bookstores or Amazon always have a little discount. For me, I am walking around in my killer sunglasses with my fat jeans living life today. The way it should be.

Perseverance

What is perseverance?

• Perseverance is commitment, hard work, patience, endurance.

• Perseverance is being able to bear difficulties calmly and without complaint.

• Perseverance is trying again and again.

You show perseverance when you ...

• Give up your tv time to spend hours studying

• Try a new sport that is very difficult but you don't give up

• Have a learning disability but keep studying even when discouraged

• Come from a home where there is fighting and unhappiness but you still try your best

• Have missed a week of school but you work hard to catch up

• Are at the end of a difficult race but you cross the finish line

• Save money and make sacrifices to buy something

• Spend hours practicing on your music

• Study and work hard to raise your grade

• Try out for something you weren't successful at the first time

Feel energetic and optimistic! You can do anything you set your mind to! This positive outlook is and it's certainly easier to go through life happy. People choose whether or not they're going to be happy. Make the right choice and you're bound to be successful once you believe you can be.

I believe you have the power to elicit a response from another simply by taking the positive approach.

Leadership I have a few simple guidelines for myself - people are motivated by either fear or desire. With desire, they will want to be successful and will have your back.

Love them; they will love you back!